Lessons Learned

I don't even know where to begin this entry. My mind is going off in a dozen different directions. About two hours ago or so, Alisa L. called me asking if I knew if something was going on nextdoor because there were over a dozen cars parked outside. For those who don't know who Alisa is, she is my neighbor two doors south, and in between our homes is a sweet old couple my family has grown to love.

I told Alisa I didn't know of anything and everything had looked normal during the day. I was wrong. Shortly after I got a knock on my door and opened to see my sad neighbor tell me that Jean had died. Whenever I get life altering news, my initial reaction is always shock and I'm usually totally void of any emotion. I couldn't believe it. Alisa was kind enough to sit with my kids (Michael's at a Jazz game) and I ran next door. The house was full of family. I didn't realize it'd happened maybe an hour before, and that some family was just getting there to say goodbye to her. I'm so sorry if I was in their way. They told me I could go see her, and I'm glad I got to peek in her room where she lay in her bed, lifeless. It is such a testimony to me that we are more than what our shell of a body, is. Jean wasn't there. I've never seen in person a corpse so recently deceased. It literally looked like all the life was drained out of her. I could feel the Spirit there, and I was filled with peace.

I will miss my friend. She has taught me alot, and continues to teach me more, even in her death. I feel very guilty about how self absorbed I've been, as of late. We've been their neighbors for 5 1/2 years now, and I've been less involved in their lives than I've ever been within the last 6 months or so. On Halloween night, we took the boys over to trick-or-treat. Jean loves kids so much. Don was standing on the porch and said "Go on in. The old witch is sitting in there with the candy," (very typical of ornerie old Don). My kids ran in and said "thank you." There cute little Jean was sitting in her wheelchair with her bowl full of candy, her neck of her shirt falling off her shoulder, showing her undergarments, she had a little smile across her face, but was a little glazed over, like she was somewhere else. I teased her and asked her if she was "flashing me?", as I adjusted her collar and gave her a hug. She came to life and I watched her expression of frustration as she tried to get her words out, but they wouldn't. Then she reached up and held my hand and looked at me and said "Please come see me. I want you to come and visit. I haven't seen you in awhile." I promised that I'd come see her Saturday or Sunday, and I didn't. It wasn't intentional, really. I came down with a sore throat on Friday night and usually when I or my kids are sick, I keeps us away so we wouldn't share it with our fragile neighbor. I still had it in my head even through this afternoon that I should've gone, even if it was without my kids, because I'd promised. The truth is that I probably could have, but it wasn't convenient to spend at least an hour over there (which happens every time I drop in) and the sore throat was my justification and now I feel like crap. Sometimes we don't get a second chance........and now I regret it.